just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
