I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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