Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
