I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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