Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
