He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
