i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
