I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
