Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
