Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize