If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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