In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
