its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
