I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
