i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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