Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
