I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
