i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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