Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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