Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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