I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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