I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
