i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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