Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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