How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The power of my boobs compel you
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
