Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
