i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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