i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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