Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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