Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
