if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize