tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
