In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
