he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
