he wants to bone in the snuggie
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
