Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
