where am i from again
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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