Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
