i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
