he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
