She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
