hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This is the high leading the old right now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
