It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
