he wants to bone in the snuggie
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
