I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
