if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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