Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
