my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
