so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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