she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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