just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
