please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i think i just lost a toe
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
