Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
