Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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