Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize