brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
