yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
