just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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