a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
