i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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