oh god the rape fog is back!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
