you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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