i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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