No stitches, just platelets and will power
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
