Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
