I molested 6 butterflies tonight
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
