just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize